Vast Expanses
by shooter87
Summary: Spike attempts to rape Buffy, then while going to get his soul, is captured by an underground sector of the Initiative. Perhaps their experiments will give Buffy what she deserves after all. Please feel free to review... be gentle with the flames, I burn
1. Chapter 1

The sky was a subdued shade of gray. It watched as Buffy Summers turned the corner into the cemetery as she'd done so many times before. The only way she knew that the sun hadn't set was the sickly and omnipresent glow of transfused sunlight that illuminates cloudy days, lending them an ethereal feel. And, of course, the lack of the walking undead was a close second place as far as clues went. It was hard to believe that such a peaceful place would be overrun by demons and fledgling vamps by sundown. The breeze picked up blonde strands of hair to whip Buffy's face frantically as if to call her attention to the looming storm, only to be brushed back by the Slayer's impatient hand. The weather in Sunnydale had been temperamental at best for the last week… strange for California, _but nothing is too strange for a Hellmouth_, thought Buffy with a wry smile devoid of any humor as she tromped through the cemetery. It was rare for her to visit graveyards before nightfall, as they always seemed… _so _dead_ during the daytime_, she finished her own thought lamely, fully realizing the pathetic pun she had unintentionally concocted in her head. She shook her head in self-disgust. She honestly couldn't stand her own company these days. Since she had come back it seemed as though she were entirely uncomfortable in her own skin, as if simply living day to day was killing her- _but not nearly fast enough_- she thought bitterly. The body around her was like a heavy blanket wrapped tight around her; uncomfortable and binding her to a world that felt like a never-ending hell. The silence of being alone was maddening, but to be around her friends was suffocating in a way that was almost worse. They didn't understand, and Buffy could find no words to help them. How does one begin to describe the safety of Heaven, or the devastation of being pulled from its embrace? How does one describe the feeling of your own fingernails snapping and bleeding as you claw your way out of your own coffin, frantic as a trapped rat, scrabbling hopelessly at the wall of a sinking ship as the water presses closer inward… _No_. No, they couldn't possibly understand. Nobody ever could. _Except him,_ a little voice whispered viciously in her head. _And you chased him away, too_… And then there she was, her breath stilled in her lungs, her whole body numb and cold, as she stood not five feet away from his empty crypt. For some reason, she thought that confronting the memories it held would be less painful or frightening during the day. Funny how wrong she'd been about so many things, especially concerning him. The look in his eyes from their last encounter still remained seared in her mind as if the night he left her shocked and crying on her bathroom floor had only been yesterday, when in truth it had been close to three months ago. _Spike is a vampire, the enemy_, she chanted mentally, trying to steel herself enough to enter the crypt he had called home and face her fears. _The faster you forget about him, the better off you'll be_.

She didn't move from her spot on the soft soil of the cemetery.

I thought that I could trust you… 

The gray overcast sky was the only one around to watch as Buffy Summers turned and ran from his crypt, her memories, and him, turning the corner and brushing the tears away as she walked home.


	2. All for her

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own none of it. **

Three months prior… 

Spike's mind began to grind into motion even before his eyes opened. In those few moments that he lay in the darkness of his own consciousness, memories of the last few days swam before him as if a movie was being fast-forwarded through his head.

_Flash. _The bathroom. Buffy's bathroom. His passion for her twisting inside him as he towered over her. Her surprise turning to frustration…her frustration turning to fear. Fear of him…_Oh God…_

_Flash_. He ran from her house, Buffy's frightened expression ripping at his insides. The look of betrayal in her eyes worse than any physical blow she'd dealt him. _Soulless monster…_

_Flash._ He packed what little he had, the pain of what he had just attempted to do still crashing mercilessly against him like waves. _Oh God, Buffy… I'm so fucking sorry!_ He knew it was no use. He'd proven his true nature. She was right about him all along. His head spun as he kick-started the motorcycle, vowing that she would get what she deserved in the end, though even he didn't know for sure what he meant by that. A large part of him believing that the best thing to do would simply be to continue on down through the desert until the sun rose and put an end to it once and for all; an even larger part too devastated to even think further into the future than that night. Likely enough the Scoobies had found her by now and were hot on his trail with a sharp piece of wood and a healthy lust for retribution. He didn't blame them. One way or another, this night would be the end of him… _What do you have left to live for? The only one who could tolerate the sight of you at all was her… it was always her…_

_Flash. _He aimlessly careened down the highway outside of Sunnydale for what seemed like ages (or mere minutes?) until his motorcycle began running out of gas. The sunrise wasn't going to be for a while yet. Not that he cared… his unlife was the last thing on his mind.

_Flash. _He pulled in to a gas station, his emotions having run him ragged, leaving him hollow and numb, moving as if in a trance as he filled up his tank. _Worthless… worthless… not a man, just a worthless monster… _

_Flash. _A tap on his shoulder was followed shortly by the feeling of knuckles connecting with his jaw, disorienting him. The searing pain of a needle made him cry out as it was unexpectedly jabbed into the soft flesh of his side… And voices…male… one especially familiar, though it was hard to place…

That's when the world collapsed around him as hit the cold ground and knew no more.

Spike's eyes shot open, but the nightmare had just begun.


End file.
